Have you found yourself reverting to behavior that isn’t getting you where you want to go? Have you experienced self-sabotage? Have you ever said, “What was I thinking?” I’ve seen many people come to me with these struggles.
In recent posts I talked about using internal family systems to disarm my subconscious to stop the night terrors that were threatening bodily harm. I referred to the process as integration.
Integrate means to bring together or incorporate (parts) into a whole.
The Bowen Family Theory is translated for intrapersonal (self) application as the Internal Family System. The principle of this system is that there are different parts of us that act out in our minds a survival mechanism that it internalized at some point in our lives. Because that part of us is so focused on survival, it sees many non-threatening situations as threatening. Once triggered, that part will act to protect us. That part shows up through you!
The key to neutralizing and harnessing these parts of us is to find this part of me that is causing this behavior. Once we find it, we can address it in a way that leaves this part of me feeling safe and secure.
In other words, as long as that part of us that reacts in unhealthy ways feels like it is being ostracized, it will resort to its training to act out, again, in ways that are not constructive or helpful. Reactions are default settings triggered by a class of stimuli. Default settings complete their programming without choice. Responses are choices that we make from a conscious place, from our frontal cortex.
Once we move through these steps in a conscious way, we recognize the various elements that contribute to the internal conflict so we can neutralize it. Once that step is complete, we can make ourselves whole, without making ourselves (or anyone else!) wrong. When we invite the parts of us into constructive ways to contribute, that part of us can integrate in a healthy partnership with our conscious self.
This is the work that I love to do. When I can help someone through these steps based on their struggles and their strengths, I see them become renewed, re-energized, and inspired.
To your success, Larry
P.S. New seminar in February! I’ll be co-facilitating with Debra Hackett. Find the most important source of confidence. See more at https://www.facebook.com/Authenticityseminar/